Atmosphere: how to make it or break it
Atmosphere is taken for granted It’s interesting that commonly, people choose to go to a restaurant or pub, where there is ‘vibe’. The establishment uses upbeat music, big screens, décor...
Fear Not: a Christian non-negotiable
Fear feels right; reality feels wrong Fear can seem so rational, logical and right. It feels safe and real and true. It certainly presents in such a way as to...
“Over it”: overcoming to get over it
Learn how to overcome the ‘over it’ syndrome. Giving up because you aren’t seeing change. God’s all over it and will develop character as you persevere.
Making the terrible twos terrific mostly.
Oh no! not the "terrible twos" This was a term coined by people who'd had to contend with two-year-olds who had discovered he has strong emotions, he doesn't always agree...
How birth order effects response in relationships
W ho's got the lollipop in this picture? The youngest. It's not hard to spot the older sister either is it? Birth order effects the manifestation of our personality, our...
4 temperaments: Understanding Personality
U nderstanding personality as a means to respond to our own and others defaults and thus learn how to interpret and relate is such an important tool in relationships. This...
Understanding Personality Types: introversion extroversion
P ersonality types arise from that aspect of your identity that is a relatively predictable, stable and organised set of psychological traits that influence how you respond to your environment....
Why Moralizing demoralizes: #10 Negative Thinking Styles
What is moralizing? When one attempts to influence the behaviour of another or make comment or observation based upon a self-righteous sense of superior understanding, we moralize. Hands down all...
Transforming the Personalisation Problem:#9 Negative Thinking Styles
Define Personalisation Personalization occurs when we interpret the events and responses from our environment as being directly because of something we are responsible for, in a manner that is disproportionate...
Dealing with emotional reasoning:#7 negative thinking styles
L ogic is the primary helpful process in the rational evaluation. Logic evaluates what can be seen or reasonably predicted based on fact. Emotional reasoning evaluates and predicts on the...
Greyscale black and white thinking: #6 Negative thinking styles
I remember clearly when I learned in parenting that we don’t call the child “good” or “bad”. It’s better to just deal with their behaviours and find a better adjective....
Labelling:#4 negative thinking styles in relationships
D riving down the road with a car full of kids one afternoon, I was irritated by a driver who pulled in front of me to turn left. “Idiot” I...
Catastrophizing!!!!!:#3 Negative Thinking Styles
'Henny Penny’ or ‘Chicken Little’ is an age-old fable which identifies the folly of assuming the worst possible outcome drawn from a perception of an event or possibility: catastrophizing. An...
Rebound from Jumping to conclusions:#5 Negative Thinking Styles
T he conclusion of any scientifically credible essay summarises all that has been written; all the data analyzed and all the pros and cons of the hypothesis tested. When...
Catastrophizing!!!!!:#3 Negative Thinking Styles
'Henny Penny’ or ‘Chicken Little’ is an age-old fable which identifies the folly of assuming the worst possible outcome drawn from a perception of an event or possibility: catastrophizing. An...
build vibrant relationships that last for life
I started out with a groovy 20-year-old Holden, “Hedley”, with a tachometer I pretended I knew all about and four on the floor. (which was much cooler than column back...
So… Who Do You Say I Am?
I've been called many names over the years. Not all negative, but not all helpful. I have assumed, presumed and consumed a variety of identities; absorbing some from others and...
Discovering a whole new “others”
T he Greatest commandments according to Jesus were to Love God first and foremost with everything we have and secondly to love others as ourselves. (Matthew 22:38) I want to...
Off the hook
W hen my kids were little, I’d sometimes intervene in an altercation to untangle the garbled accusations and deal with each according to the wisdom of an adult in the...
Not Your Fairy Godfather
"G ood" is one of those wonderful bursting with fullness words, that through common use is rendered to translate more like “nice”. What an anathema! The kind of Goodness I'm...
love hurts on your own
T here was a time when I attended a “New Age” camp, the idea being, like with most religions and philosophies that by doing so I’d be somewhat more enlightened...
shame on who?
S hame is a really painful feeling of humiliation and unworthiness because of a consciousness of something we participated in or partnered with that we reflect upon with regret. Shame...
I got it from my Mama
F or better or for worse, it’s quite possible you did! We have variously been rueful and joyful, thankful or frustrated when we see/hear our Mothers appearing in ourselves. It...
Why do we compare ourselves to others?: #5 of 12 Negative thinking styles
I 'm standing in the queue in the supermarket with 4 kids in tow; variously in, on and around the shopping trolley. The young lady behind me is beautifully quaffed...