‘Henny Penny’ or ‘Chicken Little’ is an age-old fable which identifies the folly of assuming the worst possible outcome drawn from a perception of an event or possibility: catastrophizing. An acorn falls on Henny Penny’s head and she assumes that the sky is falling. The story unfolds around her journey to tell the king about this and the ‘followers’ she enlists upon the way. Interestingly, she finds many who follow her ‘cause’. We have all indulged this negative thinking style on occasion, but when it becomes a default, chaos abounds.
Don’t get hooked
To catastrophizing is damaging in relationships as it is based on magnifying the negative, and results in ensuing helplessness, pessimism, rumination and negative predictions. People ‘hook’ others to problem solve for them as they buy into the helpless persona presented. Sometimes, people begin to catastrophize to consider the worst case scenario for the purpose of coping with it should it arise but it quickly becomes a negative prediction, often a self fulfilling prophecy.
Some examples of how this negative thinking style plays out?
- A loved one is half an hour late home and you’ve already constructed the image of them being in an horrific car accident and how you’ll cope on your own.
- You fall short meeting financial goals one month and think “we will end up bankrupt”.
- Your friend doesn’t respond immediately to a text message and you assume she’s offended.
- You have reflux and worry it’s stomach cancer, or a bad headache could be a tumor.
Call for help backfires
This negative thinking style is also a punishing tool, usually unconscious, used by people who don’t feel adequately supported. The overstated reports about their health or situation are designed to engender more support. Sadly, it usually elicits a roll of the eyes behind their back. Guilt is a lousy motivation for giving to another, and the resentment associated poisons any love that may have been otherwise offing.
Sometimes catastrophizing in relationships is used to cop out from what we know we need to do, as we see in Proverbs 26:13. “What’s the point of even talking to her, it will just end in a fight!”
You can handle it
Another reason we catastrophize may be because we lack confidence in problem solving. Increasing your self-awareness by journaling your negative predictions and reactions can be helpful. Brainstorming other possible outcomes may temper the passion of the negative prediction. Considering a negative outcome as unpleasant rather than untenable is preferable. You may need to build confidence that you can bear unpleasantness, you will not likely suffer a real catastrophe. Ask yourself “What’s really so bad about that?”
Weariness is weakness in body and mind
Recently, I made a string of blunders, that seemed completely avoidable (in hindsight) and cost us significantly (well it seemed like it was very significant in the moment) in money and time. I struggle with ‘dropping the ball’ and could not find a way to frame the circumstance positively. Thankfully, my husband suggested a good sleep and we would think about it the next day. Great advice. I was able to reframe it and with his help we “made lemonade from our lemons”. Many of us assume negative thinking styles when we are too tired to be mindful. It’s amazing what a sleep or indeed a holiday can do for boosting our frame of mind.
Antidote
The Spiritual tools we use against this mode of thinking are thankfulness and faith in God’s goodness. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is my ‘go to’ for alignment here. Simply says to thank God in all circumstances. Not for all circumstances. When we do this, we are putting out our radar for God’s Goodness to be greater than the circumstance or our negative prediction. He promises provision, and protection and a way where there seems to be no way. Our negative predictions become less driven and powerful when our focus is on God’s goodness and stability instead of our weakness and the instability of our situation.
Apply it, Own it
Consider your reactions in relationships; the various relationships you’re a part of. You may find you catastrophize as a parent, but not as a partner etc. Consider the fear and lack of confidence behind this. Have you indadvertently been using this mode of relating as a hook or punishment?
Read the story of Henny Penny. We laugh when we see this sort of things in others. It’s helpful to ‘nip it in the bud’, in ourselves.
Rea 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Meditate on it. How could you possibly give thanks in your current seemingly negative situation. Consider especially negative relationship outcomes. Which of God’s promises would give you hope to be genuinely thankful in your situation?
Write down your thoughts and reactions to establish patterns of response. Then you can begin to challenge any catastrophizing tendency
When you give thanks in all things, this is your prayer. You are saying to God “You are bigger than this, and I know you’ve got my back. Thanks.” He answers.
Expect the best and help usher it in
Thanks. I loved this. Have catastrophized in every one of the ways your examples reflected and this continues to be a growth area for me. I loved the verse for reading (and the way it links to further reading in context of the chapter – nicely done!) — pondering about how rejoicing, praying, and giving thanks is ALWAYS God’s will for me. I’m having some unpleasant physical pain lately, but am seeing significant breakthroughs in two of my children at the moment and am finding that going the way of thankfulness is keeping me from despair over the pain.
Yes, my hiccup on the subject was because I thought that “give thanks in all things” was “for all things”. Big difference. I guess for me, it enables me to lay down my ‘fix it’ hat and acknowledge that whatever happens to me, for whatever reason, God’s goodness has it covered and I’ll be ok. We develop this ‘problem solving approach’ to all situations when we need to be seeking first and foremost what God says…..problem solve later. Catastrophizing jumps to the worst possible scenario to kind of prepare and plan for the worst, so we can feel safe……we can bypass that by giving thanks and allowing our Spirit to be assured and pass on the message to our souls:)