4 temperaments: Understanding Personality 

U

nderstanding personality as a means to respond to our own and others defaults and thus learn how to interpret and relate is such an important tool in relationships. This post will consider the four temperaments first outlined by Hippocrates in a medical model, now somewhat debunked. However, the observations he made have been expounded on and made into a model that we still find helpful. You can find many more detailed personality models, but I chose this one as it is simple and therefore, I understand it well.

Personality is not Persona

Don’t be fooled into thinking that your personality is what defines you. Yes, some of your inherent perspectives and responses are remarkably predictable but they are not set in concrete and you get to find out from God who you are and the Persona he has in mind for you. Your personality gives way to your God-given Persona. By further understanding personality types, you are empowered to make informed choices in relationships.

Be Yourself in Him

God’s plan is always to help you see that your strength is a gift, and needs to be garnered by His character to become like Him; truly good. The purpose of your weakness is that it becomes your strength as you seek Him in it. 2 Corinthians 12:9  and 1 Corinthians 10:12 bring out this principle. All personalities have strength and weakness and neither is noble of itself. If God made you an extrovert, don’t let anyone tell you that you should be shy and retired. Nothing wrong with being outgoing. If you are an introverted leader, don’t try and be that charismatic funny person you’ve seen lead well, rather, maximise your strengths and transform weaknesses. I once knew a pastor who had memorised the names of about 150 people in one month and would greet them warmly at the door. He was naturally an introvert and chose a congruent way to connect with people rather than trying to be charismatic.

Own your default

Denial is simply choosing not to see what is really happening. Usually, denial is an unconscious process, we use it to protect ourselves from what would be painful to concede to ourselves. Unfortunately, denial partners with pride and deception to remain intact. Although it’s an unconscious process, we can consciously choose to open our hearts to the truth, even if it’s going to be painful. This will end up being wise, though the process can be tough. Understanding personality types will enhance your perspective on yourself and others. When you complete a personality profile test, it’s helpful to have a couple of people who know you well complete it also, to see if you see yourself as others do. This can be a great springboard for honest discussion. However, humble yourself first, it’s not helpful to protect what isn’t building into your God-given persona.

The most helpful book I have read on the subject of personality was written by the late Tim LaHaye. He wrote a series of books on temperament; one called “Transformed Temperaments” I recommend for gaining understanding  personality with a view to enhancing relationships. The test he outlined in his book “Why you act the way you do” can be found online at www.fcuc.edu.gh Here’s a basic outline of the personalities.

Sanguine

Extrovert, funloving, social, colourful, happy to enhance a story to make it a better laugh. They will enthusiastically interrupt you to tell their take of the story and will do it louder and with more mirth and interest from others.  Impulsive decision makers and possessing the willpower to resist what they want like a hungry dog with food…… Great at starting exciting new projects, not great at staying the course to complete them and happy to walk away and leave the mess/ blame to someone else! Compassionate and given to generous acts poorly thought through. Flashes of anger can bring torrents of harsh words easily forgotten the next day. Similarly, it can be tears and laughter within minutes as the sanguine responds to external stimuli quickly and wholeheartedly. Often restless, messy and disordered, they are better at writing lists than completing them and are easily discouraged….and encouraged externally. They live in the present better than most and tend to enjoy the moment. In terms of relationship, the stand out strengths of a sanguine is the ability and delight with which they connect with others. The stand out weakness is dishonesty in a relationship, for selfish gain and poor listening skills.

Choleric

Nearly every time I’ve done this test with a group, the Cholerics do not identify themselves as such.  Often, Cholerics have so successfully domesticated their relationships that they imagine themselves to be Phlegmatic.  (don’t wait until your individuating teen informs you otherwise!) I am happy to own this personality with all its bad press. Primarily we are known to be bossy and impatient, goal oriented and proud, headstrong and domineering. We also tend to be lacking in compassion and insensitive, sarcastic and harsh, not to mention highly competitive. Now remembering that “My strength is made perfect in your weakness” (2Corinthians 12:9) then why not embrace your reality and watch Christ transform you? This has been my process for 35 years and many people who know me would no longer describe me as per above, in fact, my 2 biggest weaknesses have become strengths.

Verbal crucifixions were the power of my youth. I contracted with our school bus driver to keep the bus under control as long as he let us do it our way…..I mocked, teased, exposed, and humiliated anyone who contended against me. When I had thus overcome, I felt no remorse, only satisfaction. Similarly, I had little sympathy for others. Instead, I practise malice and took a nasty enjoyment of seeing the toppling of “tall poppies” or anyone who competed for anything I wanted. To my chagrin I recall telling my sister the graphic details of her pet sheep’s demise thus; “she got ripped apart by the dogs”. Our parents had spared her the details quite successfully. It’s no small wonder that it has taken a long time to transform this personality, but the great news is that it really has transformed.  Led by Wisdom, I reviewed the comments made in my 50^th birthday cards. The most common by far included “gracious, kind and encouraging”! Imagine!

Personalities remain defaults

So has my personality changed? No! I’m still tempted like a choleric. I still think of clever verbal crucifixions with which to respond and choose not to verbalise them. Sometimes I even choose the opposite spirit to partner with which feels like a real triumph. I choose to be patient, I choose to be thoughtful and kind, it doesn’t come naturally, but it sure comes easier than it used to! I’ve also learned to bring my strengths into line with wisdom and am journeying into a place where they are aimed at promoting God’s goodness rather than my own. Stand out strengths for Cholerics in a relationship is clarity of purpose and practical leadership and support for others. Stand out weakness is to lead by employing  power rather than relationship.

Melancholy

The melancholy person is thoughtful and considered. They are introspective and usually given to overthinking, feeling and extrapolating. Because of this, they often see the negative and can be easily offended and unforgiving and resentful. Being sensitive, they can easily be re-offended and are master wall makers as in Proverbs 18:19. They are given to perfectionism and self-righteousness. Their pride is manifest in assuming that others will not have thought it through as well as they have…and it is a more manipulative control that they employ rather than overt. However, they are also faithful friends and very thoughtful people in the community. They are given to creativity and wonderful, often contained expressions of the deep feelings they experience. They will self-sacrifice endlessly, but have difficulty with boundaries and can end up resenting those they chose to sacrifice for!  These people have a richness of soul that one only discovers when you gain their trust and they allow you to see them. Stand out strength for Melancholies in a relationship are faithfulness, thoughtfulness, gentleness and kindness. Weaknesses include self-righteousness, control via manipulation and being easily offended and not easily restored.

Phlegmatic

Easy going people who love to go with the flow; preferring that others take the rap should it go wrong! They actually find decision making quite stressful and worry about getting it right and other’s reactions. They are usually endlessly patient, thorough and responsible. Great audiences, this introverted personality would almost seem sanguine when with a group of people they know and trust. So although introvert, they really enjoy a familiar social setting.  They are fun loving and have a quiet, often dry sense of humour. Phlegs love routines and systems. They seem to methodically approach life, getting things done in the ‘right’ order, in a calm, consistent manner. They can be discouragingly unenthusiastic and negative in perspective and are often seen as lazy. If it’s not on their radar as something they strongly value, they don’t take much initiative to do things.  This can be discouraging for people they partner with. They come to life at ‘play time’ albeit children or adults. They love all the fun activities of holidays and are happy to play pretty much anything with anyone in that process. Stand out weaknesses of Phlegmatics in a relationship is passivity, indecisiveness and avoidance of all conflict. Stand out strength is a great team player, even and fun nature and quiet achiever of the ordinary stuff that needs to be done.

Apply it, Own it

Be at home in your personality but do renovations constantly.