‘Henny Penny’ or ‘Chicken Little’ is an age-old fable which identifies the folly of assuming the worst possible outcome drawn from a perception of an event or possibility: catastrophizing. An acorn falls on Henny Penny’s head and she assumes that the sky is falling. The story unfolds around her journey to tell the king about this and the ‘followers’ she enlists upon the way. Interestingly, she finds many who follow her ‘cause’. We have all indulged this negative thinking style on occasion, but when it becomes a default, chaos abounds.

Don’t get hooked

To catastrophizing is damaging  in relationships as it is based on magnifying the negative, and results in ensuing helplessness, pessimism, rumination and negative predictions. People ‘hook’ others to problem solve for them as they buy into the helpless persona presented. Sometimes, people begin to catastrophize to consider the worst case scenario for the purpose of coping with it should it arise but it quickly becomes a negative prediction, often a self fulfilling prophecy.

Some examples of how this negative thinking style plays out?

  • A loved one is half an hour late home and you’ve already constructed the image of them being in an horrific car accident and how you’ll cope on your own.
  • You fall short meeting financial goals one month and think “we will end up bankrupt”.
  • Your friend doesn’t respond immediately to a text message and you assume she’s offended.
  • You have reflux and worry it’s stomach cancer, or a bad headache could be a tumor.

Call for help backfires

This negative thinking style is also a punishing tool, usually unconscious, used by people who don’t feel adequately supported. The overstated reports about their health or situation are designed to engender more support. Sadly, it usually elicits a roll of the eyes behind their back. Guilt is a lousy motivation for giving to another, and the resentment associated poisons any love that may have been otherwise offing.

Sometimes catastrophizing in relationships is used  to cop out from what we know we need to do, as we see in Proverbs 26:13. “What’s the point of even talking to her, it will just end in a fight!”

You can handle it

Another reason we catastrophize may be because we lack confidence in problem solving. Increasing your self-awareness by journaling your negative predictions and reactions can be helpful. Brainstorming other possible outcomes may temper the passion of the negative prediction. Considering a negative outcome as unpleasant rather than untenable is preferable. You may need to build confidence that you can bear unpleasantness, you will not likely suffer a real catastrophe. Ask yourself “What’s really so bad about that?”

Weariness is weakness in body and mind

Recently, I made a string of blunders, that seemed completely avoidable (in hindsight) and cost us significantly (well it seemed like it was very significant in the moment) in money and time. I struggle with ‘dropping the ball’ and could not find a way to frame the circumstance positively. Thankfully, my husband suggested a good sleep and we would think about it the next day. Great advice. I was able to reframe it and with his help we “made lemonade from our lemons”. Many of us assume negative thinking styles when we are too tired to be mindful. It’s amazing what a sleep or indeed a holiday can do for boosting our frame of mind.

Antidote

The Spiritual tools we use against this mode of thinking are thankfulness and faith in God’s goodness. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 is my ‘go to’ for alignment here. Simply says to thank God in all circumstances. Not for all circumstances. When we do this, we are putting out our radar for God’s Goodness to be greater than the circumstance or our negative prediction. He promises provision, and protection and a way where there seems to be no way. Our negative predictions become less driven and powerful when our focus is on God’s goodness and stability instead of our weakness and the instability of our situation.

Apply it, Own it

Consider

Consider your reactions in relationships; the various relationships you’re a part of. You may find you catastrophize as a parent, but not as a partner etc. Consider the fear and lack of confidence behind this. Have you indadvertently been using this mode of relating as a hook or punishment?

Read

Read the story of Henny Penny. We laugh when we see this sort of things in others. It’s helpful to ‘nip it in the bud’, in ourselves.

Read

Rea 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Meditate on it. How could you possibly give thanks in your current seemingly negative situation. Consider especially negative relationship outcomes. Which of God’s promises would give you hope to be genuinely thankful in your situation?

Journal

Write down your thoughts and reactions to establish patterns of response. Then you can begin to challenge any catastrophizing tendency

Prayer

When you give thanks in all things, this is your prayer. You are saying to God “You are bigger than this, and I know you’ve got my back. Thanks.” He answers.

Expect the best and help usher it in