D

riving down the road with a car full of kids one afternoon, I was irritated by a driver who pulled in front of me to turn left. “Idiot” I muttered as I braked to reluctantly accommodate him. It wasn’t long after that one of my kids mirrored the exclamation with the same tone of disgust when a mistake happened on the road again. Oops.

Judgements set in stone
Labelling is an unhelpful thinking style. It’s much easier to label something or someone than be bothered to describe it or the behaviour. We generalise the whole person by one behaviour or even a few behaviours. We can label positively or negatively. Negative labels become judgments set in stone, that tether another person to a place of weakness in our minds.

Labeling sets up an expectation of life that is often so compelling we can no longer see things as they really are. The expectation often gives us a false sense of familiarity toward something that is really new and unprecedented. We are in relationship with our expectations and not with life itself.
… a label is an attempt to assert control and manage uncertainty. It may allow us the security and comfort of a mental closure and encourage us not to think about things again. But life is known only by those who have found a way to be comfortable with change and the unknown. Given the nature of life, there may be no security, but only adventure. Dr. Rachel Remen.

All about control

Humans want to and feel the need to control…..and if we directed that endeavour to our own thoughts, words and behaviours it would work well. Unfortunately, we naturally want to control others and manage uncertainty so we feel safe. If we call them a name, it’s sorted, we don’t need to upgrade that relationship because somehow, the label devalues the person to a ‘not really deserving of my effort’ place. We don’t think we are predjudiced but so much of our belief is unconscious and this type of thought pattern comes from that place

We are not our diagnosis
When we diagnose, people, we label people to characterise the group of behaviours or symptoms they exhibit. This is helpful in constructing general treatment plans but can be damaging to a person’s identity. Never believe you are or are becoming the diagnosis.

Pigeon holes are too small for people
We label people negatively perhaps because putting people in ‘boxes’ is easier than reassessing; than bothering to really get to know them and value them. We dismiss the need to value people (or ourselves) when we’ve found a way to label them. Indeed, those who are deployed to war usually find a label with which to dehumanize the enemy in order to be able to kill them. Competitors will label themselves with a victorious name and the other team with a disparaging name.

Unconditional Positive Regard….
Is a concept coined by a humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, but is a notion echoed in many philosophies and religions. It essentially means we commit to the idea or accepting and respecting others as they are without judgment or evaluation. A noble but truly unattainable goal. Good luck with that!! In reality, constant appraisal of our own or another’s words and behaviours are a part of being able to live wisely and safely with others.

Observe and describe the behaviour

So what can we do to overcome this negative thinking stye? As Christians, we are encouraged to love others. 1 Corinthians 13 breaks down what that really looks like…. But essentially it’s treating people the way you’ like to be treated.  I don’t like being labelled. I usually feel misunderstood  and judged when I am labelled by others. So by recognising that, I can choose to respect, observe and describe something Ive seen in a person. It’s not always positive, but let’s face it, not all behaviour we observe is positive. However, the person who suddenly lurches in front of me on the road could elicit the fair comment of “Whoa! that was a bit too close for comfort!” rather than the label of “idiot”.

Not all labelling is a negative type of thought pattern, but it’s fair to say that most of us have normalised many labels that are very unhelpful. Because this is an unconscious process, we need to be quite intentional about unpacking and realigning our beliefs in this area. Have you checked out the “apply it own it” section  of this blog before? This section helps you to truly take on board the helpful information in a post and make it apply personally. Check it out and let me know what you think. Make sure you dont indulge in labelling as you do:)

Want to comment?

Would you like to comment and share your experiences in relation to this topic and what has been written? If so, click the comment icon to the left.

Apply it, Own it

Read

1 Corinthians 13 in a couple of different modern translations of the bible. What aspects of ‘love’ are sabotaged when we label?

Journal

Choose a group of about 6 people. Maybe family, maybe colleagues, maybe friends. Write down their name and then the labels that come to mind when you think of them. Try not to filter before you write. You may be surprised at how many of the labels are loaded with judgements. Take time to forgive and upgrade your beliefs about each one.

Consider

Consider the labels you have been aware that have been attributed to you either overtly or covertly. Write them  down. How did you feel when you thought about that.? Does it still sting? If so, you may need to forgive and to remind yourself of the truth about you.

Prayer

  • Where you’ve been labelling, choose to walk differently and ask for Grace from God to do that.
  • If you’ve harmed someone by labelling ask Him for wisdom to be an instrument of blessing and reconciliation. Make good where you can.
  • If you feel maligned by another’s label, forgive and ask Him for His perspective on you in that area. It is always full of hope and Grace.

“Once you label me you negate me.”
― Søren Kierkegaard