Identity: Me, Myself & I 

It may seem rather odd to kick off a blog about relationships, by addressing the relationship we have with ourselves. However, if I cant get on with myself, I certainly wont get on with others,  and so it’s a viable starting place.  Years ago, somewhere in the oscillating state of self-satisfaction and loathing, I recall wondering how I could ever really know if I was really ok; bound to subjective appraisals. Even if I were to seek other’s advice, they didn’t know who I really was. They couldn’t see my heart.

Clumsy and Generalising

In the process of finding a space to belong and feel ok about myself, I’d developed an identity, quite unconsciously around several values and beliefs I had. They were clumsy and generalizing. For example,  I was a country girl and that fact surely elevated me beyond the seething masses of fashion enslaved, the fickle majority. Then I imagined myself as quick-witted and strong-minded, so that placed me on the upper end of the bell curve in my mind. Having adapted a few old-fashioned morals to suit the lifestyle I wanted to live, I had for myself on good days, a reasonable sense of value, comparatively speaking. On bad days I wished I wasn’t born.

The difficulty with an identity formed on performance is that it changes daily, according to how we feel we’ve achieved. So not only could I feel bad because i had not lived up to one of my values, but my perception of that performance changed with hormones, lifestyle, and drugs! So in reality, on my worst days, I could find myself feeling great about me and vice versa.  I guess that keeping so busy doing, that I didn’t have to think too much about who I was being, kept me externally self-assured at times.

Potential of Stability

So what makes a person’s identity?To have an identity with the potential of stability, we have to base that on something that doesn’t change. This rules out performance as an optional foundation. The other thing we need is a perception of ourselves that beyond the limited performance based appraisal of ourselves or others. Enter God:)

God tells us who we are firstly in general terms, through what he’s said about his heart to all mankind in the Bible, and secondly, through a relationship with him, we learn specifically who he says we are…..and it’s all good news. He knows our human weakness and has provided a way to overcome that in Jesus. This is the journey of becoming your full unbelievable potential.

Firstly…

Firstly, he calls himself “Father”. God has many names that refer to his amazing qualities, but when it came to humans, he wanted us to know him as ‘Father’. As Father, he’d wanted us to see his provision, protection, and identity imparting nature.

Many people struggle with the concept of Father God, as their own fathers have been absent or have not really done well in providing, protecting and/or imparting identity. There will be a post in weeks to come specifically for these people.

Secondly…

Secondly, he calls us “sons and daughters” because we were made in his image and as we accept that sonship, and yield to its loving boundaries, we have the extraordinary freedom to discover who we really are, very specifically.

It’s a simple way to perceive one’s identity, but not at all simplistic. To see yourself as God does will happen just about as much as you devote to listening to what he says and believing it. This is not easy but there is no catch.

Apply it, Own it

Identity is what I be not what I do